This is going to be a serious post. I'm writing about a subject that is very near and dear to my heart. Something that is no laughing matter. That's right. It's a post about food.
It's no secret that I like food. Sometimes, I live the life of a nomad. I like to find food in various places: my parent's pantry, my parent's refrigerator, my parent's deep freeze, cookouts, drive-thrus, Sam's Club's free food samples...you know...just wherever. Very nomad-like except I offer nothing for trade. I just take the food and give nothing in return.
During the summer my schedule is way blown. I really don't live by a schedule in June and July, which is not good for me, but I find a way to cope. I don't eat breakfast and I rarely eat lunch during the summers. I snack and eat dinner. And drink lots of Cokes in between. I don't eat breakfast because, let's face it...I'm usually still asleep. Plus breakfast foods just suck. People always say, "Breakfast is the way to start your day". Pfft. My Aunt Fanny. I say, "Coke is the way to start your day". And while I love lunch so much, it just kind of slips my mind sometimes in the summer. I'm too busy getting my tan on. If I do eat lunch it's usually something simple like a PBJ or a hot dog. My parents have this hot dog roller that makes hot dogs taste so good.
Anyway. Enough about that. Let's focus on snack foods. Snack time is a joyous time and I would like to share some of my favorite snack foods with you. I figure you're probably curious about what snacks I eat. Actually you're probably not curious at all. You could probably care less about it, but you're going to find out anyway.

Sarah's Favorite Snack Foods. 4 Life.

1.) Reddi Wip Chocolate Whipped Cream

Maybe you think it's weird to have whipped cream as a snack, but listen up. This is such a great treat. Especially if you're just craving a little bit of sweet. If I need a quick sweet fix, I just open the fridge, grab a can of this whip, and spray some onto a tablespoon (or you can fill up a whole ladle--it's a judge-free zone here). Wha-lah! Instant spoonful of sweetnin'. And if you're calorie conscious--which I am...not, you will be pleased as punch (mmm...punch) to know that there are only 15 measly calories in two tablespoons. Whatever that means. So there. You're welcome. If you haven't tried chocolate whipped cream, you've just got to. The regular ol' white doesn't hold a candle to the chocolate.
I picked up this snack habit from my Mom. She has taught me so much through the years.

2.) Edy's Creamy Coconut Fruit Bars

One bite of these things and you swear you're sitting pool-side being served delicious coconut delicacies by a cabana boy named Raul. Creamy Coconut bars are like a beach fantasy dessert. They are so good with their little coconut flakes in each bite. But I guess you have to be a fan of coconut to like these. If you hate coconut, you'll hate these, and if you hate coconut, well, then I guess I hate you.

3.) Rold Gold Tiny Twists Cheddar Pretzels

I'm not big on regular pretzels, but if you douse them in powdered cheese, I'm pretty much the world's biggest pretzel fan.

4.) Herr's Buffalo Blue Cheese flavored Cheese Curls

I just discovered these this summer. They've changed my life and my waistline one bag at a time.

5.) Jalapeno Poppers

At first I typed jalapeno poopers. That was a pretty awesome mistake. I love some jalapeno poppers. The FarmRich brand makes some pretty good ones. I just pop them in my toaster oven and then rama-lama-ding-dong, I've got a delicious snack on my hands.

6.) Item number six is going to be a catch-all for all of my other favorite snackies. I love to eat apple slices. Instead of buying a bag of whole apples, I buy the bag that has pre-cut apple slices that costs like three times as much as buying a bag of whole apples. The pre-cut apples are just more convenient and they're so tasty. I love eating apple slices and peanut butter. It's a champion among snacks.
I also love snacks of the spicy variety: pepper jack cheese, pepperoni, banana peppers, and pepperocini peppers. If I have a plate of all of these items, you know I'm having a good time.
I'm probably a gallbladder attack waiting to happen.

Yes, I'm ending my list with 6 things. Odd number, I know. Actually it's an even number, but just an odd number to end a list with, you know what I'm sayin'? I hate when people say "you know what I'm sayin'". Basically I ended the list with 6 items because now I'm hungry and jalapeno poppers await me.

As you can tell, I'm a pretty health-conscious person. My body is a temple...where junk food goes to worship. Because I'm a food lover and always love being introduced to new high calorie, processed foods, I would love it if you would share your favorite snacks with me.

Eat up, friends. Keep that belly happy.

This post is for my teacher friends. Who like jungle themes. And free stuff.

I'm a teacher that decorates my classroom with a jungle-ish theme (monkeys are our thing) and I like free stuff, of course. It was a moment of divinity when I came across Christie's blog, First Grade Fever. Right now she's doing a giveaway--every one's a winner. I like being a winner. All you gots to do is blog about her giveaway and she'll personalize a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious of a cute jungle sign for your classroom door. 

Example:

via

Say no more, Christie. I'm in. 

I'm glad I found this girl's blog. I've been wanting to make a canopy to go over the outside of my classroom door for only forever, and after seeing her post about making this cute little beast...

via

I think I'm finally going to try to tackle it. I'm no Martha Stewart, so it could be dangerous. Actually I'll probably chicken out and end up calling upon a former student's mom. She's a crafty magician. 

Oh yeah, and today some really cute labels were posted on this blog. Fo free. Go check her out, teachers.

It's Friday, Friday. Sarah's Gettin' Down with her Blog on Friday.

Dang you Rebecca Black. Every Friday it just naturally happens that I hum that song. I can't help it and I hate that about myself.

Hey party people. I'm not doing so hot at this whole blogging thing lately. Surprisingly, I haven't been a worthless bum this week. I've actually been busy. Really busy. Busy up in the school house workin' on my classroom. I haven't had a life for the past week. I've seriously been at school every night. I love going to school at night because no one else is there and I get so much done. If I go during the day, well, there's two problems with that. 1- I miss out on the sun's rays. 2- I spend all of my time talking to other teachers because talking is fun and then get nothing accomplished in my room. Naturally the best solution is to go at night. It's a win-win.

I feel like my brain is mushy stuff and I really wouldn't make sense if I tried to write anything half-way serious, so, guess what you're gonna get? A bunch of pictures and nonsense. Just the way we like it around here.

I need to start by telling you all this. I looked at someones facebook profile the other day. Under religion they listed: "Babtist". Yes. They claim to be Baptist but they don't even know how to spell it right. Embarrassed. As a kindergarten teacher I can see where they got a little confused. They did a good job using their phonics skills. With the way that word is pronounced around these parts of Kentucky, it does sound like a 'b' might be where the 'p' should be. Regardless, that's just something you should know if it's something you're claiming as a 'defining characteristic' of sorts. Kind of like you should know how to spell caucasin caucasion  Caucasian if you're white.

I just feel like your life needs to be blessed with this picture. 

It's not every day that you see a giant magnifying glass the size of your head. I knew I needed to seize the day and take a picture with it. Probably a once in a lifetime deal.

Is your house missing a little pizazz? Maybe you should buy this Weezy poster. I'm thinking it would look charming hanging above a fireplace with a fire ablaze. Ah, yes. That would look nice. And at $50? Bargain. This can be found at a Home Goods near you, because I know that's your #1 question right now.

I've been missing my friend so much. She's been traveling the world and life has been a little crazy lately so we haven't seen much of each other. I'm used to seeing this girl on the daily, so it's been a little hard to adjust. It makes me want to cry like a lost little kitten. 

This picture was taken on the last time we hung out for real, for real. Two whole weeks ago. 

Seems like an eternity.

My Granny D made some no-bake cookies for my family. As my brother put it, she might have been thinking she was making pancakes for a minute based on the size of these suckers. They're the biggest no-bakes I've ever seen. The size of my hand. And it broke when I picked it up due to the shear weight of the thing.

So I know some of you have heard this tale before because every summer I talk about my butterfly friends that I make while I swim in the pool. My parents have ultra friendly butterflies that frequent their yard. And these butterflies love me and I love that they love me. I'm pretty much a butterfly whisperer. They let me pet them.
*(Please disregard my large manly knuckles. Unfortunate family trait).

They even like to do fancy butterfly tricks for me like hanging upside down like a bat.

I went into my classroom one night this week and discovered that my classroom bathroom floor was flooded. The toilet sprung a leak. The mystery to me is how it started leaking. Unless ghosts have learned to use the bathroom and flush--no one to my knowledge has used this toilet since June 3rd. Sure glad I discovered it before it got extra bad. I would have been an angry, angry teacher if it started running out into my classroom.  

I cleaned up all the water and tried to tighten the connector that was leaking, but I had no luck--or the necessary tools. I placed a large container under the drip to catch the water--it filled this much just in the time I was at school working. Serious drippage. The water has since been shut off to the toilet. Let's hope this is fixed before school starts. We gots to have a working toilet in the kindergarten room. For real.

Okay, one more thing because this is quickly becoming the longest post of all time. I get carried away quite easily. I'm not telling you anything new.

Today at school we had a PD day. We had to fill out our yearly Emergency Contact sheet for the front office. Here's what I listed at the bottom:

Hey, you never know when a love connection could be made. I want to make sure our office staff is always thinking of the greater good. I'm sure they'll appreciate my efforts. 

I wonder if they'll appreciate me listing my brother as my 'bruh'...

Not sure if they'll appreciate that one as much. 

It's probably a form I should have taken seriously, and well...

I lied. For real just one more thing. I have enjoyed watching my all-time favorite Lifetime movie tonight (I'm actually watching it as I type this). "She's Too Young". Makes me laugh every time. An over-the-top movie. Drama at its best. Lifetime never disappoints. One of the best lines: "If I lost a toe, you'd be President for Toe-less Teenagers." That's just one fine example of this quality film.

I hope you all have a weekend that's more magical than Disney World fantasies.

I'm gonna sparkle like the 4th of July.

So I've been post-less again for another week. Time really gets away from me when I'm busy being a bum. I realized I never gave a rundown of my 4th of July festivities. Not that they were anything spectacular, but it's a story nonetheless. I also realize that the 4th of July was a good 10 days ago, but if I'm still hearing the pop of fireworks on the regular; I can still write about them. Yes. Fireworks are still going off in the evenings around these parts. This is the 4th of July that will never end.

Because I love when people ask me questions, we're going to pretend you gave me a 4th of July questionnaire. If you were going to ask me a series of 4th of July questions, they might be as follows:

You: What is your favorite firework, Sarah?

Me: I'm glad you asked, blog friend. My favorite firework is what I call the weeping willow tree. They make me say, "ooh, ahh".

You: Were you a little nervous about seeing fireworks since you were blasted in the face by a firework shell at a baseball game in the spring?

Me: Thanks for bringing that traumatizing experience up. Yes. I was terrified.

The shell that busted me in the temple. 

You: So Sarah, tell me. Did you pee your pants this 4th of July?

Me: Why yes. Yes I did. I have to stick with tradition.
*If you're confused about this then that means you're a newer follower or don't know me in real life. For some reason I decide to pee my pants on the 4th of July. Read THIS post from two years ago. This will help fill in the gaps.

You: Do you shoot off fancy fireworks at your house?

Me: If fancy is bottle rockets, then yes. We do. My brother really likes bottle rockets...to the tune of liking them times 600.

This is about the extent of what we shoot off. It goes a little something like this. My brother lights the fire pit and gets the fire blazing. He instructs everyone else to back away. Far away. He then dumps his entire bundle of bottle rockets into the fire pit. Nothing says Happy 4th quite like 600 bottle rockets popping and whizzing all over the yard. Nothing says Happy 4th quite like me whizzing all over myself either. I swear, it's just the funniest thing to me. The sound and the anarchy and the fear of being hit by a bottle rocket. I did get hit by one on my leg this year. Cue the whiz.

You: Does Daisy like the 4th of July?

Me: Does this answer your question? (I like answering questions with another question.)

She's very patriotic.

Kitty and Daisy put aside their differences and eat as one on the day of Independence. Justice and liberty for all.

And in keeping with the theme of fire--It has been hot this week. Hotter than blue blazes. There is nothing on this earth like southern humidity. The air is so thick in the dead of summer that you could stir it with a stick. Temps of 117. Yes. It's been like Death Valley here.  It's the kinda hot that when you walk outside it hurts your lungs and brings instant sweat to your boob valley, brow, and upper lip. Those are my top 3 sweating regions anyway. I sweat like a big burly man. I'm aware that's disgusting.
I was in my garage for 5 minutes late Tuesday afternoon and I was wearing a gray cotton dress. It was soaked when I went back inside my house. That's gross.

This was the reading of my car at 7:00 Tuesday night. Still 102. Disgusting.

I'll play meteorologist for a minute. Here was Tuesdays weather:

Oh Kentucky.

And I FINALLY went to the grocery last night! It had seriously been two months since I had bought groceries. I felt myself starting to waste away. When you're down to eating crackers that are lord knows how old and a package of Peeps that you had leftover from Easter, it's time to suck it up and face Wal-Mart.
When I got home I realized I obviously had a craving for something hot. I live life craving something hot. That applies to food and to men. Look at all this buffalo/jalapeno stuff I bought:

Well. I don't really have a good way to wrap this post up. So I'll just end it with this...

I hope your summer has been sparkly and fun and that you hot little vixens are staying as cool as you can. Later.

Letting Go of an Idea.

If you don't want to read the thoughts of Serious Sarah, then don't proceed. This post is going to have a bit of a different tone than most of my other posts. I'm kind of in a somber mood. We all get in a funk from time to time. I'm in one at the moment and trying to break myself out. Sometimes writing about it helps even though I hate writing posts like this. I feel so vulnerable and sappy. Yuck.
I was talking on the phone with a friend last night and we were catching up on how our summer breaks had been. I was telling her that I had been a little lonely as of late. I felt so lame for admitting that. And even more lame for admitting what brought on my feelings of loneliness--The 4th of July. Yes, it is true. Independence Day made me lonely. And why??
I feel like holidays, even little ones like the 4th can be so 'in your face' as a single person. It's in those moments that you realize you don't have anyone to share certain things with. No one to take with you to a party or share in something as corny as watching fireworks. When everyone else is busy with their spouse, significant other, family members, etc., those are times when loneliness sets in.
To me it was almost a bit ironic that I was feeling so lonely on Independence Day of all days. Yes, I realize this day has nothing to do with the celebration of me--but I couldn't help but think about the word independent a lot on that day. I've let this word define me for so many years now. I'm an "independent woman". I'm making it on my own and doing my thing without a man...and while I'm very much happy with my life and proud of myself for being independent, I can't help but to long for someone to share it all with (I mean, duh. Who doesn't want that?). And because everything in life reminds of of a SATC episode, I felt I related perfectly to how Carrie felt when no one showed up for her 35th birthday dinner:

Carrie: The longer I sat at that table, the more alone I felt. And it really hit me: I am 35 and alone!
Miranda: You are not alone.
Carrie: No, I know I have you guys, but...and really, I hate myself a little for saying this, but...it felt really sad not to have a man in my life who cares about me. No special guy to wish me happy birthday. No soul mate. And I don't even know if I believe in soul mates.

Oh, Carrie. You really are every woman.

And I came across this bit on Bits of Truth today. It really struck a chord with me. Just ignore the whole girl laying half naked in the bed deal and focus on the words (or don't ignore if you're into that sort of thing. I judge not). Even though, I must say, that girl could be me on the majority of my summer break days. Face planting in a bed and being lazy while wearing little to nothing. I need a life. Or a summer job.

"You will not find someone better if you won't let go of the idea that you already let go of the best."

Such simple words, but they're words that I needed to read today. See, recently I let myself swallow the dumbness that I might not find that "right person" a second time around. I thought maybe I was lucky to have loved once and that was my one shot at it. I found myself thinking that I would never find another man that I loved as much as I loved him. Writing it out makes it sound crazy. Rational Sarah knows it's crazy. I know if I tried explaining those feelings to people I would get the reactions that I get time after time. "You're still so young!" or  "You have so much time to find the right one." or "You're so much better off!"

Blah, blah. Bob Loblaw. Blah, blah.

Reading the words on the half naked lady picture made it clear to me that I am still hanging on to an 'idea' and even though all of that is in my past, it's still (sadly and pathetically after five years) affecting my present and my future. I have got to clear those thoughts from my head space. I've got to stop comparing others to him. It's so frustrating and I know all of that in my head, but it's getting my heart to understand that's the tricky part.

So there. I put myself out there and let you see a side of me that makes me feel like I need to be a mental patient after revealing that I am actually human and do have a serious side with feelings. That was only the most rambling sentence of all time. We all know by now that I'm not one on making my writing presentation one of great correctness with all of my starting choppy sentences with 'Ands' and such. Oh well. Like Forrest, that's about all I have to say about that. This will be my depressive post for the year. I just needed to get it out of my system. Thanks for listening. My next post will be better. Promise. Later, kids.

Fill-in-the-Blank Fun.

I found this little fill-in-the-blank survey thing and thought I'd give it a whirl. 
The word whirl reminds me of swirl and that reminds me of ice cream. 
That would be a delicious snack to eat right about now.

I Love: myself. Well, besides myself, I love a lot of things.
Far too many to list here. List toppers are of course the F's of life:
family, friends, food, and farts. And I love my Daisy Mae, of course.

I Know: just about everything there is to know. Am I right or am I right?

I Feel: lucky. I am blessed with some very good girl friends.

I Eat: all. the. time.

I Worry: way too much.  Especially about things over which
I have absolutely no control.

I Make: not a lot of money. I'm a teacher. I'm not fussing though.
I didn't choose my job for the dollar bills. I'm just grateful to have a job
that I love and a source of income. Some people aren't so lucky.

I Laugh: Often. Laughing is the best.

I Crave: food. Always. Especially fried delicacies like fried dill pickles
and jalapeno poppers.

I Lose: everything but weight.

I Obsess: over details. When making plans, I like to know exactly
what is going on---what to wear, what I'm going to be doing, etc.
I also pay attention to details of people and places. I'm very "photographic" in my memory.

I Wish: masters degrees weren't required for teachers in the state of Kentucky.
Boo to furthering my education. I'd like to get it eventually--I just don't like the
time requirement and the burden of tuition expense.

I Buy: a lot of shoes and accessories. They are my weakness. I also buy WAY
too much on Teachers Pay Teachers. My goodness. It's become a bad addiction.

I Sell: drugs. Only kidding. Let's not freak out. There's no hope with dope.
Remember that, kids.
I don't sell a dern thing. I'm not crafty enough to make anything and sell it,
and well, I'm just not saleslady material. I've never liked asking people to
buy things from me/for me.

I Fantasize: you don't even want to know what I fantasize about.
That would probably be getting too personal for your likings.

I Never: leave the house without showering.  Ever. Greasy-headed
and makeup-less Sarah isn't a pretty sight. Just trust me on that one.

I Cook: anything that can be microwaved. I'm a mean microwaver.

I Sing: on a stage in front of thousands of my biggest fans. Wait...
that's not my life. I only sing in the shower and in the car.

I Borrow: ideas from other teachers all the time. That's the only way
to do it. Work smarter, not harder.

I Can't: believe how quickly the summer is flying by. It's already July!

I Want: a Canon Rebel. I just hate the price tag.

I Miss: the days of not having much responsibility. I had no idea how lucky
I had it during my high school and college days. Real Life is a lot more
complicated than I ever imagined.

I Listen: to Pandora radio all the time. Mainly the Incubus station
because it plays all of my favorite bands.

I Read: books that make me laugh. I love reading something funny and light.

I Stress: way too much about things that I shouldn't.
Things always work out in the end.

I Like: you. You all make me smile with your comments.
I just can't get enough of them.

I Always: twirl my straw wrapper around my finger when I'm at a restaurant.
It's just something I always do without even thinking about it.

I Fear: Big Bird. I also fear failure.

I Watch: The Golden Girls. Every single night.

I Believe: that I have a lot to be thankful for. I may not be where I thought
I'd be at this point in my life, but I'm happy and that's all that matters.

I Hope: one of these days I find a decent man...that has a job.
And ambitions. And doesn't cheat. Or lie. That would be nice.

Randoms from a Bum.

Well. Another whole week has passed by and I haven't posted a dern thing. I've become the worst blogger of all time. I've just been busy livin', y'all.
L-i-v-i-n. Living like Billy Madison. I've been a big pile of worthless nothing. I've been out shopping with friends all week and the rest of the time, I have been hanging around my parents house. Laying out by the pool and eating all of their food. That's the way I like to do it.

And speaking of Billy Madison, I saw a banana peel in the grocery parking lot. What do I always think of when I see one? O'Doyle rules! Don't worry. I made sure I carefully steered around the peel. I didn't want to plummet off of a cliff.

I saw a huge display of Red Vines in the grocery store. All that was needed was a display of Mr. Pibb beside it to make it crazy delicious. Seeing the Red Vines made me sing Lazy Sunday. Ironically it was Sunday. And I had a pretty lazy one. Neat, huh?

Since I have no life and no real agenda during the summer, I agreed to meet a repairman at my parents house so that they wouldn't have to leave work to meet him and all that. I mean, I was going to be out there swimming anyway. The night before the scheduled repairman appointment, my family and I were all sitting around talking. The family was saying, "Maybe he'll be cute". Have we really come to this? We're hopeful that a cute repairman will show up and maybe I'll be asked on a date. Sadly that's probably what it's going to take. And if you're curious--he was not cute. He looked like Stephen King. And he wore a flashlight on top of his head. Like he was about to go spelunking.

I really don't like "I Love Lucy". I don't find one bit of funny in that show. She's annoying. And obnoxious. Maybe for back in the day the show was hilarious, but, I just don't get it. The only good thing is that the show is in black and white. That's a relief.

I have never heard so many fireworks in all my life. I feel like I now have a small idea of what it would sound like to live in a war zone. It sounds like we're under attack. My animals are terrified. Fireworks have been going off at all hours of the night since last weekend. The 4th of July is a rednecks favorite holiday and we've sure got a lot of 'em here. Fireworks bring us all together. Let freedom ring.

I put a free app on my phone called Jesus Texts. It sends a different Bible verse to my phone each day--at midnight precisely. When it texts me it makes a heavenly host sound. Like it's being sent direct from an angel. I have mine set to deliver the verses in 'hip-hop' version. Jesus' speech bubble says things like: "I'ma drop dis on ya" or "my pops has somethin' fo' yo' " and then it gives me my daily Bible verse in hip-hop fashion. Word.

I have been doing a lot of shopping. A whole lot of it. I've purchased 9 pairs of shoes in the past month. That's probably a sign that I need some help.

The Cheez-It commercial was just on TV. It's the one where the lab guy is questioning the Cheez-It to see if it is ready and matured. The sign said "Maturation Room" but during my quick glance up to the TV, I swore it said "Masturbation Room". I was feeling really uncomfortable about Cheez-Its for a second.

And speaking of commercials--I Love Lucy might not be a funny show but those Life Alert commercials sure are funny. One day I'm going to be an old lady that has fallen and can't get up and I'm going to regret laughing all these times. Who am I kidding. I can't help but to laugh.

I can't wait to wake up and have another full day of eating, swimming, and other 4th of July festivities. I hope all of you are having the best weekend of all weekends.