Fact: It's Friday, Honey Boo Boo Child.

It's time for another edition of Facts. By Sarah.

I apologize in advance for the stupid spacing between all the bullets. The formatting is all off and it just won't work with me tonight.

• Fact: This is how we do it, it's Friday night.

• Fact: I feel alright.

• Fact: Sadly, I can't continue the lyrics because I'm not having a party on the West side.

• Fact: I'm sitting on my couch. Just me, Daisy, MacBook, a Blizzard, and the TV tuned to TLC. That's my kind of party. And I'm loving it.

• Fact: I am a sucker for any show on TLC.

• Fact: Two of my favorite TLC shows are Toddlers and Tiaras and Virgin Diaries.

• Fact: Tonight on Virgin Diaries, this guy named Skippy talked about how he collects his belly button lint. He picks lint from his belly button and puts it in a jar. And keeps it on a shelf in his bedroom. His bedroom is in his parents basement. His bedroom that is in the basement of his parents house has a poster of The Osmond's on the wall. He's 34. And his Mom goes out with him as his wing man. She even has a t-shirt that says "Skippy's Wing man". And he doesn't understand why he can't find a girlfriend...

• Fact: I don't even think I've ever had belly button lint.

• Fact: I can't get over it. I don't understand. The lint this guy accumulated looked like it came out of a dryer vent. That's disgusting and I feel like he is doing something wrong if he's having that kind of accumulation.

• Fact: One of my favorite Toddlers and Tiaras girls, besides the famous MaKenzie, is little Miss Alana.

If you're not familiar with Alana, please watch this short two-minute video clip to catch you up to speed. You won't regret it. Or maybe you will. Pay special attention to her mom's face towards the end of the video. It's one of the best parts, in my opinion.

 

• Fact: Alana, AKA "Honey Boo Boo", is getting her own reality show on TLC called Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. It premiers August 8th. I can't wait for it. It will be a nice Back to School Eve show to look forward to. 

•  Fact: My senior citizen neighbors have been concerning me a bit lately. They were driving their van around  their backyard the other day. I never could figure out why. My main concern was that they were going to run over my air conditioning unit as they drove between our yards. Today there's been a half-full bottle of hot sauce sitting on the lid of their trash can. Maybe they're confused because I sure am. 

• Fact: I got my hair chopped off today. I feel brand new. I tried the whole 'I wanna grow it out and see how long it will get' thing. Well. I let it grow and grow. It just got uglier and stringier and uglier. I've hated it lately. Now it's gone and in the trash can at the salon. The majority of my life, I've had short cuts or a little bob and that's the way it shall remain until the end of time. I'm already scheduled to go back in two weeks to get it taken up even shorter. I'm glad to be back to normal. Short hair is better suited for my face.

The before:

The after:

And yes, my sunglasses are crooked. Every pair I own become that way. I end up bending or breaking them in no time. I also have a crooked smile. At least the sunglasses and smile help balance each other out, right?

I should probably end this post now. Before I decide to over share or upload any more pictures of myself. Have a great weekend, friends!

Fact: It's the Holidays.

And because we I just can't get enough, here are my latest facts. Holiday Edition.

Fact: I went out with my friends last night to enjoy some holiday friendship time.

Fact: "It's the holidays" was my phrase of the night. I don't understand it either. "May I have a cherry? It's the holidays." "I have to go to the bathroom. It's the holidays." "I want a short stack of pancakes. It's the holidays."

Fact: A kind anonymous patron bought our meals and drinks at the restaurant. That's three meals and a whole lotta drinks. It's the holidays.

Fact: Because we had a free dinner, I thought it would probably be a good idea for us to go eat another dinner somewhere. *Please note several hours passed between dinners. 

Fact: We went to IHOP because I had been wanting a stack of pancakes for three days. And everyone was probably sick of hearing me talk about pancakes. You want a hungry pancake obsessed girl to shut up? Give the girl pancakes.

Fact: Pancakes are delicious.

Fact: International is the key word in International House of Pancakes. And it's not about the pancakes, guys. It's international in terms of the diverse grouping of people under one roof. I understand that now.

Fact: My eyeballs beheld so many wonders last night. People of all shapes, colors, and sizes. People of all clothing and hair stylings (my personal favorite being the periscope-shaped bun). People from far off lands like caves, and holes, and bubbles. And possibly the depths of outer space.

Fact: When I can't sleep I'm going to start going to IHOP to conduct case studies and take notes for future blog posts.

Fact: A woman squealed like a pig in the restaurant. Just out of nowhere. She was having a conversation with what I'm going to assume was her husband. And she just squealed. Maybe the sight of bacon just overcomes her. Maybe they're sympathy pangs for the pig that perished. I don't know.

Fact: It sounded just like this little pig who cried all the way home:

Fact: Pigs are delicious.

Fact: You know what's not so delicious? Applesauce. There was a container of applesauce sitting in the middle of the road as I was driving home last night. Now that I'm thinking about it, it was raining...was food falling from the sky? Uh-oh. I've seen the movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Kinda scared, guys.

Fact: A person in my neighborhood has a Christmas sweatshirt hanging in the front window of their house.

Fact: Christmas sweatshirts, while they look stunning and stylish on the body, are not a substitute for window treatments. Or proper Christmas decor.

Fact: The people that live in that house were probably among the patrons at IHOP last night.

Fact: Because I'm feeling like a bragger, I just need to let you all know that I got an A in my Gifted & Creative Psy grad class. Receiving an A is a rare occurrence for me, so it needs to be documented. Here. For all to read.

Fact: I love you all so much and if I could sing you a Christmas song right now, I so would. I would sing it so loud and so hard. But, it's the holidays, so I won't.

Fact. Ode to Dwight K. Shrute. Part Dos.

I enjoyed my little 'fact' post that I did recently, so I told myself, "You just need to do another one. It's a spectacular idea. Yeah. Everybody will like it. Just do it". Such peer pressure. So here we have it.

Fact: I went shopping today. I needed to shop so hard after spending all day locked in my house doing homework yesterday.

Fact: I was on a quest to find a fun NYE dress. I failed. I found no such dress.

Fact: Every dress I tried on would have shown my unmentionables if I bent over. I don't need to be pulling a Britney when I go out. Nobody needs that.

Fact: One dress I tried on had lots of glitter on it. Not sequins. Pure silver glitter. Now remember what I told you about glitter being the herpes of the craft world? Today it proved true once again. You will see why below.

Fact: Everyone was staring at me in the next store I was in. I mean, I'm used to it. I'm pretty stunning. However, when I looked in a mirror, I discovered the real reason for the stares.

Fact: I had silver glitter all over my face. Everywhere. In my hair. In my eyebrows. On my cheeks. I looked so beautiful. Like an angel. I almost cried.

Fact: And you all know you can't get rid of the stuff. So I wore my glitter proudly. I owned it. I don't see me being like Regina George and starting a glitter all over your body fad though.

Fact: When I took off my bra tonight to put my pajamas on, glitter fell out of my bra and went all over my floor. That dress had serious glitter leakage. Glad I didn't buy it.

Fact: My brother busted in my room earlier. I was standing in my bathroom naked. I screamed. He said he was glad I screamed. He quickly closed the door and managed to not see a thing. It was a close one.

Fact: I put a towel around myself and went to his room to see what he wanted. He said he didn't want anything. He just wanted to sing for me.

Fact: And this is why we're perfect roommates.

Fact: My brother doesn't sing for real. He's not some kid that you'd hear on Glee. That doesn't stop him though. He sings all.the.time. And whistles. But he sings nonsense and uses words like "leggo" and "dough bruh" in his original lyrics.

Fact: He's white.

Fact: One of my students came to school one day last week so angry. I mean, he was pissed. When he came in the room, he grabbed the sleeve of his huge puffy coat and slapped it against the classroom floor. It was very wrestler-ish. I asked him why he was angry. He said, "Santa didn't come last night". Oh dear. I had to explain that Santa doesn't come on December 8th.

Fact: Pray for me guys. Pray that I make it the next five days with Santa-crazed kindergarteners. I guess it doesn't help that I'm cramming North Pole goodness down their throats and it's not gonna stop any time soon.

Fact: I don't really cram anything down my kids throats. Just knowledge. Pure knowledge. And love. And the occasional craft covered with glitter.

Fact: I did cram lots down my throat yesterday. I did the Bad Santa thing. Remember when ol' Billy Bob  ate all of Thurman Merman's chocolates in his advent calendar? Yep. I did that. To my calendar. I ate 'em all up. All the way to number 24. It was December 10. I cheated big time.

Fact: I couldn't help it. I was stressed. I was working on my paper for 12 hours. I just needed chocolate. I tore that poor advent calendar to shreds.

Fact: 5 more days of school and then it's Santa time. Two whole weeks off.
Yeeeeaaaahhhh boyyyyyyyy.

Facts. That are Random. And Pretty Useless.

I'm feeling a bit like doing a tribute to Dwight K. Schrute. I miss the days of when The Office was really good and funny. Back when it was 2 legit 2 quit. However, I sadly quit The Office a couple of seasons ago. That makes me sad because I miss Jim. He used to be my boyfriend. In my head. And we were serious but then he got married. So I was done with him. Back to Dwight. In honor of him, I will do a list of facts.

Fact: If you need to remove gum from the inside of your dryer---a wet dryer sheet will do the trick.

Fact: Magic Eraser and Pampered Chef scraper are no good for the job. Just stick to the wet dryer sheet. Trust me.

Fact: I know this because I spent 30 sweaty minutes scrubbing the inside of my dryer removing gum. Removing a whole pack of gum residue. A whole pack of gum that my brother left in the pocket of his pants.

Fact: The inside of my dryer smelled like citrus fruit but the dryer drum looked like it was streaked with poop skid marks. Hot melty gum isn't pretty, folks.

Fact: I don't like when people say 'folks'.

Fact: Living with my younger brother is so much fun sometimes. It's a riot, really. I'm laughing so hard right now thinking about all the fun I've had tonight...

::envisioning myself with my head hung in the dryer cleaning off gum residue::

Fact: Store checkout lanes are pure temptation. Full of candy, gum, magazines, chap stick, lint rollers. The devil designed checkout lanes. He must have. Sneaky guy.

Fact: I couldn't resist the urge to buy a bag of Sour Patch Kids in the checkout at Hobby Lobby. Who goes to a craft store and buys candy? I do.

Fact: When I buy a bag of Sour Patch Kids, I only eat the red and green ones. They're delicious. The orange and yellow ones go in the trash.

Fact: If you want to be friends, I'll give you the orange and yellow kids to eat. I feel bad throwing them away. "At first they're sour, but then they're sweet..."

Fact: It's a bad idea to eat Sour Patch Kids in bed. Unless you like feeling sugar granules through the night. I guess it could be an exfoliant...

Fact: Sugar makes me think of glitter and glitter makes me happy. It's just such a beautiful mess. My Assistant tells me I have a different look in my eyes when I bust out the glitter in the classroom. Perhaps my eyes twinkle like glitter. Hmm. Perhaps.

Fact: It secretly thrills me to mention my "Assistant" in conversation. It's like my one sad shot in life to be a name dropper and pretend in my imagination fantasy land that I'm famous and that she's my own Personal Assistant. I guess she kind of is sometimes. Especially when I have her leave school to go buy me a Sonic Happy Hour drink...

Fact: I glittered so hard today that glitter has been falling from my hair all night. At first I was concerned it was dandruff. It's only beautiful sparkles. Phew.

Fact: I've gone to Zaxby's the past two nights in a row. And I could probably make it three. I get on food kicks really hard sometimes. Watch out, Zaxby's. I have a feeling we're about to be best buds.

Fact: After I placed my order at Zaxby's, the lady in the speaker told me, "I look forward to settling up with you at the window". That kind of made me gulp. Yikes. Settle up? Like I had a hefty overdue bill to pay. Or like a mob was going to meet me at the window and drag me inside of the building to "teach me a lesson I'll never forget". I just want a chicken platter.

Fact: I like you. All of you.

Fact: We're half way through the work week. Yessssssssssssssssss.

Fact: I'll be back soon with another post, folks (I just had to throw it in one more time for good measure). Stay tuned.

Knowledge is Power.

You may consider these facts useless knowledge.  I find them little bits of fascinating knowledge power.

• The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
• A duck's quack doesn't echo.  No one knows why.
• The original name for butterfly was flutterby.  I think flutterby makes way more sense.
• Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
• A hardworking adult sweats up to 4 gallons a day.  Most of the sweat evaporates before a person realizes it's there.
• A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 food child inside.  (That one's for you, Ashley.  Don't take any of your students to visit a hippo.)
• A skunk can spray its scent more than 10 feet.
• A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.  (I guess I better watch out!)
• Porcupines float in water.
• Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
• Astronauts can't cry in space.  Tears can't flow since there is no gravity.
• Most Americans' car horns beep in the key of F.
• Slugs have four noses.
• No matter where you are in Australia, you are never more than 1000 kilometers from the ocean.  (Yet another reason why I love that place.)
• It takes a week to make a jellybean, depending on the manufacturer and type of jellybean being made.
• Human birth control pills work on gorillas.
• Apparently, the 'spot' on 7Up comes from its inventor who had red eyes.  He was albino.
• Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower', because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters. The proper term for upper case letters is "majuscule" and for lower case it's "minuscule".
• Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to digest a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
• Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because farting in a spacesuit will damage it.  Astronauts also can't have regular bread because if it flakes off, it could cause damage to equipment.  They have to eat things like tortillas instead.
• The little plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
• It's impossible to stick your elbow in your ear.  You're trying to do it, aren't you?