Halloween Shmalloween.

I used to love Halloween so much. I Trick-or-Treated all the way up until my Junior year of high school. I wanted to be a professional Trick-or-Treater. Unfortunately the neighbors frowned upon my adolescent tricking for treats and began to make hateful comments to my friends and I. I knew my Halloween jig was up. I had a good 17 year run and it was fun while it lasted. Halloween just lost a bit of its thrill when I couldn't dress up in fun costumes and collect candy from strangers any longer. The next year I stayed home and helped my mom pass out candy. It just wasn't the same. I was bitter. It's a miracle I didn't start throwing candy at the kids out of jealousy.

As a 20-something, Halloween has a very different feel. It seems that the majority of women don't want to choose an outfit out of comfort or creativeness. Halloween has become an excuse to wear your underwear and bra out in public for a night. An excuse to bare your stomach and smush your boobs together and wear no clothes in 40 degree weather. I don't get it. You can be anything your heart desires for one night...and you choose to be THAT!?! I've just gotten to the point where I don't even like going out for Halloween anymore because I get tired of seeing the absolute craziness.

This year I've been a bit of a Halloween scrooge. I didn't even buy a pumpkin. For me, this is kind of alarming. I always buy pumpkins. Last year I had six pumpkins. This year: zero. If I had one, I probably would have taken it out into the street and smashed it. That makes me sound a bit unstable. I'm not. I've just been in a non-festive kind of mood.

I finally went and bought Halloween candy last night at like 8:00. Nothing like waiting until the last possible minute. I was tempted to ban Halloween from my house all together this year and bolt my door, board my windows, and remove all signs of life. But then I felt bad about that. Each year since I started teaching I have extended an invitation to my students to come Trick-or-Treat at my house. I felt bad for not doing the same for my current group of students, because, well, I like them.
I had a grand total of 21 Trick-or-Treaters this year. Yes, I'm a nerd and I keep tally marks. If some of my students hadn't have come, I would have only had 12 neighborhood kids. 12! How sad is that?

My classroom mascots (Rascal and Marley) come home with me on Halloween to greet the kids that come from my classroom. They keep it tame in respectable costumes.

Needless to say, I have a heck of a lot of candy leftover. Of course, I made sure that I sifted through the candy to give out all of the less-than-desirable (to me) pieces first. I am left with this beautiful assortment that would be a peanut allergy sufferers worst nightmare.

The best part of my night? This would be my very first Trick-or-Treater that rang my doorbell. This little family was a bit ahead of schedule as they rang my bell at 4:20. Little bit early and over-anxious, guys. However, the time was not so ironic after I got a look at the guy. The Dad (I'm assuming) of the little tot dressed as a tiger in the stroller pretty much ran up to my door and ding-dong ditched me. My bell rang and when I went to answer it, "Dad" had run away and was standing in the middle of the road staring back toward my house. When I opened the door (and I so wish I could film a video re-enactment so that you could get the full glory and sound effects), he put his arms up much like I did in this picture:

And he said, "Aay! Trick-or-Treat?" In the most ghetto (yet so fabulous) voice. He was questioning whether or not I was ready for Trick-or-Treaters. I yelled back, "Heck yes! I'm ready!" He flashed a big smile and strolled his tiger baby up to my door where he proceeded to roll over my geraniums. Dad was decked out in a solid white Sean John track suit complete with a gold chain. He was really dressed up for the occasion and he was excited. It was his boys first Halloween. They were fun and I wished their little family well on their first Halloween adventure. I love my neighborhood.

My least favorite part of the night? That would be when my doorbell rang TWO hours past Trick-or-Treating time. I thought I was in the clear for any other visitors for the remainder of the night. I was in my bedroom referred to as "office/junk room" and I was digging through old photo albums and singing extra loud and horribly. This room is right by my front door, so basically, if you're outside you're gonna hear me. My hair was already up in a messy bun on top of my head and I was in my sleep shirt and had taken my bra off. I was in lounge mode. To the extreme. Read: lookin' rough. R-U-F-F. And well, I'll just say that when I opened the door, I sure hope that my face didn't show what my brain was thinking because I was not thrilled to see the visitors at my door. Not my favorite of people. How did I get so lucky? Sigh.

In better news--my girl Jessica Simpson had a fun announcement today. She's going to be a mummy. Yep. J Simps is with child. 

Well. I hope all you pretty little ladies had a Happy Halloween and saw some cute Trick-or-Treaters. Now it's onto the next special day--Thanksgiving. Mmm. My favorite.

Pop Quiz, Hotshots.

This morning on the radio, the funny morning show guys asked the question: "What's the grossest fruit?" before a game segment they do each day.  The lady contestant answered "banana". To that I replied, "dumb". Bananas are fine. They're definitely not the grossest. The man said the lemon was the grossest. You're wrong. Lemons are delicious. Lemon Drops wouldn't exist without lemons, silly man.

I furrowed my brow and was in deep thought the remainder of my drive to work--for all of three minutes that it takes me to get to work. I was racking my brain about all of the fruit possibilities that exist in this huge world. Oranges, cherries, melons, peaches, plums, blackberries, figs...the list could go on and on. For some reason this question really stumped me. It made me think hard. Sadly it's probably the deepest thought I've had all day.

Now I'm not a big fruit eater. That's just a fact. I'd just much rather have artificial sweeteners. Like Cokes. And pies. And chocolate bars. That'll do for me. Fruit snacks count as a fruit though, right? Because I really like Gushers.

For real though, I like apples and pineapple and I'll eat the occasional grape and cherry, but beyond that, not really a lot of fruit eatin' going on. I mean, really. I buy apples, but only the ones that are already pre-sliced because I'm lazy. And then I ruin the fruit nutritional value by covering each apple slice with peanut butter.

Now of course I find strawberries to be totally repulsive. You all know that. They're gross to me, but everyone else that is human loves them, so what is really the grossest fruit of all time? Like if the general population had to vote and give an award to the tree or vine bearing the grossest fruit of all time--who we we vote for, guys? Who would we vote for??

I was asking my fellow teaching teammates this mind-blowing question at lunch. Ashley said the pear. To that, I completely agree. Pears have the texture of sand paper in the mouth and they taste like asphalt. Emphasis being placed on the first part of the word.
Now I've never tasted one of these, but I said that the cumquat definitely has the grossest fruit name of all time. I mean, really? Cumquat? Ew. It can be spelled as kumquat or cumquat, but of course I prefer spelling it with a 'c' because it just helps to prove my point.

So I'm asking you. Yes, YOU!

Question #1 on your quiz: What is the grossest fruit of all time?

Inquiring minds want to know. Okay, really just my mind wants to know.

Here's another question for you. I'm really making you all stretch your brains today. You can tell I'm a teacher. Okay. Here we go. Don't get scared now.

Question #2: Do you love Britney Spears or do you hate her?

I set you all up on this one. Trick question because I think that if you tell me you hate her that you're really telling me a lie. I just don't see how you can't love her. From the moment I bought her  "Baby One More Time" CD single, I was hooked.

Sure she went a little bit off the deep end for awhile, but girl has made good music through it all. I've been loving her song "I Wanna Go" for weeks now. It makes me feel good. And I can't decide if it makes me want to start dancing and wishing I was at a club or if it makes me want to start punching people in the face because I'm that amped up and "wanna go", you know? But then I think about how scared I would feel if I went to the "clubs" here in my town because there are creepy men that just stand against the walls and stare a lot. So then I decided that I'd probably combine the two fantasies and go to the "club" where I can punch people (those creepy men that stare) in the face. I'd give them something to stare at. Like my fist. What a beautiful image. And I'm putting "club" in quotations because, well, I live in Bowling Green. We don't even know what a club is here.

On another note? Have you all seen the video? Parts of it are a little strange with the paparazzi cyborgs and all, but I like it. There's this part where her get-away driver pours a carton of milk all over his face. The first time I saw it, I seriously gagged. Almost puked all over my keyboard. I mean, can you imagine what his face must have smelled like after the fact? Retch.

This brings me to Question #3:
Would you ever willingly pour a carton of milk all over your face? If Britney Spears told you to do it, would you?

And because every quiz needs a bonus...

Bonus Question:
My blog title: "Pop quiz, hotshot"...this quote is from what awesome 90s movie?

"What do you do? What. Do. You. Do?" Love that line. So dramatic.

Okay. That was too easy. Here's a real bonus question to really push you to the limits:

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hot dogs?

Chew on that.

I hope you make a 100%. Make that 110% with the two bonus questions. Good luck, pals.

It's Time to Get Rowdy...With Random Thoughts.

First of all, I want to do a special shout out for THIS girl, Andi. Last week she blogged about my blog and I must say, it was very flattering. She sent some new followers my way too, so I'm going to say a big, "Hey ladies, I like you all" to my new friends. Andi, if I could wrap up a box and fill it with friendship and mail it to you, that's exactly what I would do.

So she seriously said the nicest things about me. She was definitely makin' me blush. She said that she thought I was funny, which I very much appreciate. It actually humors me that other people find me funny. It tickles me so. But let me tell you. It's kind of some pressure. I feel like my hands are sweatin' on this keyboard right now as I type. Let's hope I can deliver. It's not going to be a trip to Home Goods, but we can't have it be crazy fun and games all the time.

On an extra serious note, I want to wish all of the federal employees out there a Happy Columbus Day. You are the lucky ducks that benefit from good old Christopher's crazy shenanigans. I don't believe in teaching about Columbus because, I mean, what's he done for me? He sure doesn't give me a day off. I'm kidding. Well, sort of. I usually do a little day of Columbus factoids and a craft with my students but it honestly slipped my mind today. I was still in my fall break coma. I didn't really even know where I was until about 10:30 today. And that's sad considering I'd already been at school for a few hours.

I was so dang happy last week. Like I've already said 52 billion times, I was on fall break all week. I love my school childrens with each one of my little heartstrings, but it was time for a break. I'll say it again. It was time. TIME. I didn't go on a trip anywhere last week which ended up being just fine with me. I kept myself plenty busy just livin' my life. I did some things around my house that I've been putting off. Boring stuff like pulling weeds and trimming the hedges in my front yard. And laundry.
I just love having a week off. Period. I love being at home and not really having a schedule. I swear my calling is to be a bum. To be able to just hang around the house, watch TV, eat snacks, peruse the internet, read, and hang out with my pals. That's all I want to do, and buddy, you better believe that's exactly what I did.

So I've had this nasty stomach thing going on for a few weeks. I finally broke down and went to the doctor last week because I took a turn for the worse. It felt so good writing those words. I just wanted to add in some extra drama and "taking a turn for the worse" does it every single time. Okay, so really it wasn't that serious, but I was having major stomach cramps, wasn't sleeping well, and certain "issues" had kicked it up a notch or 10. Not everyone in the world is as comfortable with poop talk like I am, so I'll just leave it at that and let you draw your own conclusions. I have some kind of diagnosed funk and am on an antibiotic and Nexium. I have to report back to my doc and let him know if the drugs are doing their thang. So far...they're not really doing it.
The problems really come after I eat something. This is where it gets dramatic. For real. You all know me and how much I love my food. The joy has been taken out of my meals recently because I just get sick afterwards. My life is over.

Speaking of poop, have you all seen that Clorox commercial? A little boy yells, "Mommy, I went poo-poo!". The Mom goes in the bathroom and looks in the toilet and sees nothing. She asks the little boy where and he points to the bathtub. Hilarious. It just reminds me of life in kindergarten. We have those moments when we think the kids are getting so close to the target, but then we discover they're still so far away at times. I love it.

I will be the first to admit that I have a real, full on addiction to Coke. Sometimes I think I like hearing the crack of the can and the fizz more than the actual drinking of the Coke itself. You know, kind of how smokers say it's more of the sensation of smoking and how the cigarette feels in their hand. So basically I'm addicted to opening aluminum cans.

So we just had an Ulta open in our mall. I spent $90 there last weekend. Oiy. I love makeup. I broke down and bought the Urban Decay Naked eye pallette. It's as great as I thought it would be. I also bought a sample kit of some Smashbox things. I've decided Smashbox makeup is what angels probably use if makeup is worn in heaven. I mean, if J.C. wears makeup, that's probably what He wears too. It's that great and has easily become my new favorite stuff.

The 10 year high school reunion was this past weekend. Oh the drama. And yet so much fun. I'll save that post for another time.

Well friends, I could probably keep spewing out more nonsense, but I'll wrap it up here. Thanks for visiting. Until we meet again...

An Uncomfortable Embrace.

I just want you all to study this picture for a minute. 

Are you feeling uncomfortable yet? There's so much that's wrong about this picture that I want to talk about. Let's start with the creepy mustache man. First of all, he's embracing a younger boy and his eyes are closed. He appears to be a little too into it. And his hands are interlocked around the boy as though he's planning on lingering in that position a little longer than he probably should. Now, the younger boy isn't doing much better. He's really into it too. And his arms are up around the man's neck. Who hugs like that? I mean, maybe they're dancing instead of hugging...

Here's a neat fact: this picture is in a test booklet that is given to kindergarten students. Every time that I give this test, I just feel uncomfortable when I get to this question. This picture is in the listening comprehension portion of the test and I say, "The boy is hugging Grandmother" or some crap like that and the kids are supposed to pick the picture of the boy hugging grandma. There are 4 picture choices and the boy hugging smiling mustache man is one of the other choices that's thrown in. If this picture were the answer, I'd probably have to say, "Mark the picture of the two males having an awkward and inappropriate embrace."

We just took this particular reading test a couple of weeks ago and as I was grading the booklets I talked to my Assistant about this picture and just how wrong it seems. She was saying that she's never observed her own husband and son's hugs to ever resemble anything close to this. She said, "I don't know what I would do if I saw them do that, you know, with their arms wrapped around each other like that. That's just not natural." I said, "I know what you'd do. You'd tell them to never, ever do that again".