Trying to be thankful (while patiently waiting for my turn)

The majority of the time, I am fine with not being in a serious relationship. Really. Overall, I'm content. I'm happy with the way the pieces have fallen into place in my little life. Most of the time, I'm thankful I'm still "single" in the terms of not being married or faced with the responsibilities of raising a family. Ultimately, those are both things that I definitely want. I'm just not yet ready or prepared for that big of a commitment or responsibility. I enjoy the fact that I am still allowed to be selfish. I have "me" time all the time. I take care of myself and no one else. I can pretty much do what I want, when I want. I like the independence. Plus, marriage is a little scary to me. It's a huge commitment. One that I want to make and keep once.

I'd say that 95% of the time, I'm fine. I don't think about not being married. Or not having children. I feel fortunate and try to be happy with the life that is mine. However, sometimes, in those rare and dark moments, thoughts take over. A sadness. A longing. Feelings of jealousy, even. If I'm being really honest with myself, I can't deny that I sometimes long for more than what I have.

It makes me feel guilty and ashamed that I have feelings of jealousy towards others that do have more. I don't really have those feelings unless I'm surrounded by it. It's in those moments that I'm forced to come face-to-face with the difference in my life and theirs. It's when I realize that I'm the only single girl in the group. That I'm the only one that can't exchange stories about what my wedding was like. I can't flash my bling and compare rings with the other girls in the group. I can't talk about registries and showers. I can't talk about baby names and what pregnancy feels like. And in those moments, I'm sad. I'm sad that I haven't experienced those things, but also question (with fear) if I ever will.

I'm in my late 20s now. Rapidly approaching 30. With the exception of a few girlfriends, I feel that I've been left behind because I never boarded this fast moving marriage and baby train. It's an exaggeration, but I feel like everyone is married. Everyone is having babies. When is it going to be my turn? When am I going to be ready to jump on board? Will I ever be ready?

I don't want to be bitter when I'm in those situations of being surrounded by married couples and proud parents. I want to be able to have genuine happiness for others. It's hard though, because it makes me feel left out and it's hard to relate to something that you have no input about or experience with.

Sometimes when I see pictures come across my Facebook newsfeed from an engagement photo shoot, wedding shower, wedding, or honeymoon, my stomach cringes a little bit. Why? I feel it's so ridiculous to have feelings of jealousy. What right do I have to be jealous over others during their time of celebrations? It's not right, but again, if I'm being honest; I do get jealous. I still have a little sting that was left behind in my heart. It still hurts a little when I realize that I still haven't found what I'm looking for and someone else has.

Even when I'm watching a ridiculous and unrealistic reality show like the Bachelorette, I can find my mind drifting off towards the "let me feel sorry for myself because I'm all alone" feelings. I hear those sappy things the guys tell The Bachelorette during the dates. While many of the comments made by the men may not be said with the most sincerity (considering they've known her for two weeks) I think about what it would feel like to really have a man compliment me like that. To say sweet things. To say that I'm what he's been looking for. That he doesn't know what he'd do without me in his life. Some days that would be nice.

I don't know. I really am happy and thankful for what I have in the right now, but I can't help but to think ahead to the future for who the person will be that I finally get to share it all with. When the timing is right, it will happen. Until then, I'm trying to be thankful while patiently waiting for my turn...while waiting for my butterflies. :)

Inquisitive Minds Want to Know

Today I was visiting with my cousin Lori's two daughters. They don't live here in Bowling Green and I don't get to see them very often. When I do see them, we have to play a big game of "catch up". Claire is 7 and Cate is 5.

This was the first thing Cate said to me:

Cate: "Are you still not married yet?"
Me: "No."
Cate: "Do you have a boyfriend then?"
Me: "No."
Cate: "Do you at least have a crush?"
Me: "No. Wait, how do you even know what a crush is anyway?"

The conversation then led into if I was a teenager and why I wasn't a teenager anymore.


Claire was interested in talking to me about my job. She knew that I was a teacher, but she didn't remember the grade I taught, so she asked me. I told her I taught Kindergarten. She looked at me for several seconds with a serious expression. Finally she said, "That really fits you."

Tidbits

• I remove my right shoe when I drive. I've been doing this since I received my permit at the age of 16. It's a habit now and I can't hardly break it.



• I wish I could have three animal kids. I currently have one: my Corgi, Daisy Mae. I would also like to have a koala and a river otter as my other animal children.



• I have to watch Golden Girls every night. It's part of my bedtime routine.



• I like houndstooth a bit too much. I'd like to gather up all of my houndstooth print items and take a picture so I could show you. That would probably make me sad because seeing all the items gathered together would make it real that I truly have a problem.



• I hate going to Wal-Mart more than anything. I think I'd rather use leaves as toilet paper than have to go to Wal-Mart.



• I have a problem with mail. I don't like opening it. Receiving mail as an adult is boring. It's all junk and bills. I don't want junk and bills. I want letters from pretend penpals that live in far-off lands. I want magazines and catalogs. I want packages containing lovely gifts. Alas, I only get junk mail. No fun stuff. I haven't even checked my mailbox in about a week because I hate it so much. My mailperson probably thinks I've abandoned my house. I haven't. I'm just boycotting the mailbox this week.



• I think my Dad makes the best grilled cheeses. Ever. I'm not one to toot my own horn, but I make a pretty mean grilled cheese too. I learned from the best, though. There's just something about my Dad's grilled cheese that is magically delicious. Question: What do you have to have to go along with a grilled cheese sandwich? If you answered dill pickle slices, then you get an A+. I can't have a grilled cheese without pickles. It would just be wrong.

• When I unwrap the paper from a straw, I curl the wrapper around my finger to make a "bouncy swirl" out of it. I do this subconsciously. When I was out at a restaurant the other night, the chap I was with said, "You know, you always do that." I kind of like when people are super observant of our little quirks.

The ABC's of Me

I've seen this going around on some other blogs, so I thought, why not join in...

Area code: 270

Bed size: Queen

Chore you hate: Mopping

Dog's name: Daisy Mae

Essential "Start Your Day" item: I don't usually eat breakfast, but I HAVE to have a soda of some sort.

Favorite color: I love pink and black. I'm pretty fond of gray too.

Gold or Silver: Definitely silver

Height: 5' 4"

Instruments you play: I don't currently play anything. I took piano for years though and played the flute for one year.

Job: Kindergarten teacher

Kids: None of my own. Just one dog at home and 24 students at school. That's enough for now.

Living Arrangements: I have a home and live alone with my sweet Daisy Mae.

Mom's name: Alecia

Nickname: In high school I was referred to as 'Smarcum' by some. My Dad has always called me 'Sary Elly'. I don't really have any other nicknames though.

Overnight hospital stay: I've never stayed overnight in the hospital and I am okay with that.

Pet Peeve: I did a whole blog on pet peeves/annoyances.

Quote from movie: "Screws fall out all the time. The world is an imperfect place." -John Bender from The Breakfast Club

Righty or Lefty: Righty all the way.

Siblings: Emily (older sister) and Adam (younger brother)

Time you wake up: Um, this varies greatly. I like to sleep as late as possible. During the school year it's between 7 or 7:15. Sometimes I push it as late as 7:30. In the summer, well...

Underwear: I like thong th thong thong thongs.

Veggie you dislike: Brussel Sprouts

Ways/Reasons you are late: I don't like to be late, but getting dressed can definitely make me late. If I'm not liking the way my outfit is going, I'll change numerous times.

X-rays you have had: Too many to count. Really, I think just about every bone in my body has been x-rayed at some point. I've never broken a bone, though.

Yummy food you have made: I really don't make that much since I live alone. What I can make has turned out to be pretty tasty, in my opinion. I like my Rattlesnake Pasta.

Zoo animals you like: Oh my. I want to go to the San Diego Zoo and see my favorite animals: River Otters and Koala Bears. :)

It's My Blogiversary!

Woo-woo to blogging for one year! I sure have enjoyed myself. Most of what I write is pure silliness, but it's fun for me. I like to write. I like me. I like to write about me. So, blogging pretty much makes sense, you see.

I began this little blog on May 18, 2009. I'm almost at 100 posts now! Some months I've written a lot, other months I've really slacked. There are several posts that I've written that have yet to be published. I'm saving some for a rainy day. There are others that may never be seen by readers eyes. That's the fun of blogging. I can write what I want, when I want, and I get to decide what's published and what's not. I get to be the blogging boss and it's fun to be boss.

Thanks to my small group of readers. I like you. I like that you still come back to my blog and read. It sure does make me smile.

I'm an Old-fashioned Girl That Appreciates Old-Fashioned Courtesy

In my next relationship, I want to make a "no texting" rule. No texting at all? No. That's not what I'm saying, but I don't want to start out a relationship through texting. I don't want to be asked out by a text. I don't want to "get to know each other" through texts. I sure as heck don't want a relationship to end through a text. (Sidenote: I have in fact been dumped via text before. Yeah. That's not cowardly or disrespectful at all. I felt like the episode of Sex and the City when Carrie was dumped on a Post-It.)

I could be wrong, but I think the "no texting" rule would be the best way to avoid miscommunication in a relationship. Texting can cause fights and misunderstandings between couples. Misunderstanding of words or misinterpreted tones can happen so easily. Unless you know someone well, it's hard to get a sense of another person's tone through a text. Jokes or sarcasm aren't always easily translated and detected if you don't know the person well, or if, say, you just don't get sarcasm.

I enjoy texting. I do it quite often. It's a quick way to interact with friends, especially if you have a quick question and don't need to have a whole phone conversation about it. That's a different story. Those texts are meant to be fast and informal. They're completely different than texts being exchanged with someone that you are interested in pursuing in a relationship. Being asked out through a text is almost like running through the McDonald's drive-thru for a burger. Sure, you might be excited about it and it might satisfy you for a bit, but that kind of guy isn't going to be the best, healthiest, most satisfying choice in the end. Anyone can send a text. Texting is a quick way to say what needs to be said and then get out. They're not getting sucked in to what could be a lengthy phone conversation. It's a fast and informal way to connect.

What happened to picking up a phone, dialing a number, and asking someone out. I find it almost insulting. I just feel like texting is almost being over-done. It's become too easy to "say" something to someone without having to actually say it. It's way easier to "hide" behind a text or an email and say what you want to say without it getting too lengthy or complicated. Writing out your message doesn't always bring about that uncomfortable explanation or feelings you can get when you're having to deliver a message face-to-face or over the phone. It's different when you can hear the tone of a voice, sense the awkward silences, feel the pauses, hear the nervous laughter, detect the anger...

I feel that it's more gutsy and requires more effort to make that phone call. If someone wants to pursue me, I feel that I'm worth the effort to make the call. Plus, if you don't text someone all day long, finally speaking on the phone and hearing his voice just might be that much better and sincere and honest. Phone calls. Just do it.

Greg Behrendt, best-selling co-author of He's Just Not That Into You says, "In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree."

Shake it

Within the walls of a kindergarten classroom, bathroom accidents are just going to happen. For some reason now that the end of the school year is upon us, accidents are becoming more prevalent. I don't understand it either. I'm just going to blame it on my stellar teaching and the fact that the children are so engrossed in my lessons that they'd rather mess themselves than get up to go to the bathroom. Yeah...I'm sure that's what it is.

Today, one of my boys came out of the classroom bathroom with a perplexed look on his face. I was concerned that maybe his bathroom experience did not end in a very pleasant manner (i.e.- there might just be a little something left behind in his pants). I called him over to me and began to ask the standard kindergarten bathroom questions:

Me: "Did you wash your hands?"

Student: "Yeah."

Me: "Did you wipe?"

Student: "No. I shook it off."

Me: "Ohhhhh." [as I muffle a laugh and quickly exit scene]