Facts. That are Random. And Pretty Useless.

I'm feeling a bit like doing a tribute to Dwight K. Schrute. I miss the days of when The Office was really good and funny. Back when it was 2 legit 2 quit. However, I sadly quit The Office a couple of seasons ago. That makes me sad because I miss Jim. He used to be my boyfriend. In my head. And we were serious but then he got married. So I was done with him. Back to Dwight. In honor of him, I will do a list of facts.

Fact: If you need to remove gum from the inside of your dryer---a wet dryer sheet will do the trick.

Fact: Magic Eraser and Pampered Chef scraper are no good for the job. Just stick to the wet dryer sheet. Trust me.

Fact: I know this because I spent 30 sweaty minutes scrubbing the inside of my dryer removing gum. Removing a whole pack of gum residue. A whole pack of gum that my brother left in the pocket of his pants.

Fact: The inside of my dryer smelled like citrus fruit but the dryer drum looked like it was streaked with poop skid marks. Hot melty gum isn't pretty, folks.

Fact: I don't like when people say 'folks'.

Fact: Living with my younger brother is so much fun sometimes. It's a riot, really. I'm laughing so hard right now thinking about all the fun I've had tonight...

::envisioning myself with my head hung in the dryer cleaning off gum residue::

Fact: Store checkout lanes are pure temptation. Full of candy, gum, magazines, chap stick, lint rollers. The devil designed checkout lanes. He must have. Sneaky guy.

Fact: I couldn't resist the urge to buy a bag of Sour Patch Kids in the checkout at Hobby Lobby. Who goes to a craft store and buys candy? I do.

Fact: When I buy a bag of Sour Patch Kids, I only eat the red and green ones. They're delicious. The orange and yellow ones go in the trash.

Fact: If you want to be friends, I'll give you the orange and yellow kids to eat. I feel bad throwing them away. "At first they're sour, but then they're sweet..."

Fact: It's a bad idea to eat Sour Patch Kids in bed. Unless you like feeling sugar granules through the night. I guess it could be an exfoliant...

Fact: Sugar makes me think of glitter and glitter makes me happy. It's just such a beautiful mess. My Assistant tells me I have a different look in my eyes when I bust out the glitter in the classroom. Perhaps my eyes twinkle like glitter. Hmm. Perhaps.

Fact: It secretly thrills me to mention my "Assistant" in conversation. It's like my one sad shot in life to be a name dropper and pretend in my imagination fantasy land that I'm famous and that she's my own Personal Assistant. I guess she kind of is sometimes. Especially when I have her leave school to go buy me a Sonic Happy Hour drink...

Fact: I glittered so hard today that glitter has been falling from my hair all night. At first I was concerned it was dandruff. It's only beautiful sparkles. Phew.

Fact: I've gone to Zaxby's the past two nights in a row. And I could probably make it three. I get on food kicks really hard sometimes. Watch out, Zaxby's. I have a feeling we're about to be best buds.

Fact: After I placed my order at Zaxby's, the lady in the speaker told me, "I look forward to settling up with you at the window". That kind of made me gulp. Yikes. Settle up? Like I had a hefty overdue bill to pay. Or like a mob was going to meet me at the window and drag me inside of the building to "teach me a lesson I'll never forget". I just want a chicken platter.

Fact: I like you. All of you.

Fact: We're half way through the work week. Yessssssssssssssssss.

Fact: I'll be back soon with another post, folks (I just had to throw it in one more time for good measure). Stay tuned.