My Granny Doesn't Like Me.

And if you want to find out why she doesn't like me, you have to read all the way to the bottom. That's a challenge because this post ended up being a long one. I'm long-winded though so you guys should expect that.

I've been trying to write this post for two hours. I've spent the majority of my time just staring at my living room wall. I'm exhausted. Already. This is sad considering that I've worked one day since December 16. What the heck is wrong with me? I feel like I have so much to tell you all but I can't form intelligible thoughts to save my life.

Once I got to school and saw my kids this morning I was glad to be back in the swing of things. I need to have routine in my life. I don't do well without a schedule.

The kids were all so happy to be back and they missed me. Can you blame them though? Going two weeks without seeing me? That's gotta be tough. If I weren't myself I would sure miss the heck out of me.

We spent our community circle time this morning talking about what Santa brought us. I always love hearing about the goods everyone gets. Everyone had a turn to share. It was fun. Especially since it took up a good 30 minutes. That's a win for everyone, but mainly for me.

My last kid to share started rambling off his list about what all he got. When he got to the part about getting a Kindle, I just stared at him. Then I said, "Wait a second. You got a Kindle?...Okay. That's all the share time we're going to have today."
Yes. I was jealous of a 6 year old today. Santa gave him the wrong gift. That was supposed to be for me.

Speaking of gifts...

Let me tell you a little bit about gifts.

This year the gifts that I received from my students were, well...how do I put this politely? Lacking. I received a few gift cards. For those I was very thankful. Gift cards are great. Some people say gift cards are not personal. I say that's crazy. I say they're the next best thing to cold hard cash. Cash and gift cards are personal. I love them. I will use them. Gift cards are for winners.

The few other things I received, well. Just junk. Like re-gifted junk. Like what in the eff am I going to do with this kinda junk. Like I might as well just leave this stuff in my car and drop it off at Goodwill kinda junk.

That makes me sound horrible. Please forgive me. I know gifts are not The Reason for the Season. I don't expect or deserve to get a dang thing from my students, but guys...come on. I'm not even going to talk about the things I got because I've blocked it all out. It's a new year, right? That's all in the past now.

I'll tell you about one of my favorite things though. One of my kids, bless her sweet soul. She picked out something from her bedroom to give to me. It was very thoughtful and very much a kindergarten thing to do. I actually got a kick out of her gift because her reasoning for giving it to me was great. When I unwrapped the gift (which was wrapped in toilet paper--it was clean toilet paper, by the way), I saw that it was a plastic snow globe. She told me she didn't want it anymore so she gave it to me. The water had turned "grayish-brownish" (her words). She knew I liked the color gray so she thought I would like it. Oh, why thank you! It was a gift with meaning. The snow globe is currently sitting in my re-gifting closet, but it was the thought that counts.

One more gift story and then I'm all done for now. My Dad's side of the family plays Dirty Santa every year for Christmas. The girls exchange gifts and then guys exchange.

This year I decided to make my gift extra special. Along with my gift, I included this special thing:

I just can't get enough of putting this picture of myself on my blog, obviously. So yes. Along with my spectacular gift, the lucky recipient was going to be the proud owner of my 8x10 school yearbook picture. Please look closely at the bottom left corner of the picture. That's right. It's autographed.
With love. XOXO.
I regret not making my autograph more rockstar and sloppy. I need to practice. I'm sure it's the first autograph of many. I'll get better and perfect it.

Now if that picture is not the gift that keeps on giving, then I don't know what is.

I was praying that my aunt would be the one to select my gift because I knew she would so not be amused by getting a jumbo picture of me. It was my lucky day because she chose my gift. And just as I suspected, her face said it all. It was glorious. I was thrilled. She hated it. Everyone else loved it. The other women in the family seriously liked it. I heard, "Oh, what a great picture." or "I love that frame!"

The guys in the family got that it was a joke and they were laughing and telling me I had done well.

My gift ended up being stolen 3 times until it was deemed "dead". I couldn't believe it. I thought about stealing it back once myself because I'm a narcissist, but I resisted. I told the family that if my autographed pictures were in that much of a demand that I would start selling them for $5 a piece. I had a Sharpie available.

My Granny ended up stealing my gift last and she was the one that got to keep it. I was actually excited that Granny ended up with my picture. You see, Granny's hallway at her house is lined with framed photos of the family. Years worth of pictures are in this hall. It's "the hallway". You want to be in "the hallway". That's how you know Granny loves you. You've either got to be in the hallway in a picture frame or represented by a refrigerator magnet you bought her on her fridge. I haven't made the hallway since my high school senior picture days. That's over 11 years ago. I've seised to exist to Granny since I was 17.

So anyway. I was all excited and kept boasting that my adult self was finally going to make "the hallway". And I was going to have a picture like none of the other cousins. Mine came included with an autograph. Visitors to the house might think Granny had a famous granddaughter. My thoughts just kept getting better and better. This was going to be great! What a proud moment.

...but then...a dramatic turn...

My Granny lives in a small town 20 minutes south and the day after Christmas she made my uncle drive up to my parents house to deliver something.

He delivered my framed picture. He returned it. She didn't want it.

Yes. You read that right.

Kept all of the other components of my gift but my Granny returned my picture. My 8x10 glorious yearbook picture. That was autographed. A picture of her granddaughter. Her own flesh and blood. Man. I feel loved. So much for making "the hallway". Only in my dreams.

When I'm over at her house next Thanksgiving (because sadly that's probably the next time we'll have a family get together), you best believe I'm coming equipped with a hammer, a nail, and my framed picture. I'll see to it that I make "the hallway". Sorry Granny.