The Elf Race.

Guys. I was scared of my class today. Well, not all day. Just from after lunch until dismissal. I don't know what happened at lunch to make them so crazed. Something was in that ham on the lunch line. Had to be.
My kids were off the chain. I saw total "snow behavior" this afternoon. Except it's not going to snow. It's been like 70 degrees here. And it's not a full moon. I have nothing to blame. It was real life, authentic craziness today. I don't even know how to describe our afternoon. It wasn't a bad day. It was a day on speed. Very twilight zone. We still learned a lot and had fun. I enjoyed them. I just couldn't manage them. My room was one big pinball machine. The kids were the pinballs.

This is just one small visual I have from my day:

Yes. One of my little angels (I say that without sarcasm. She's truly gold.) cut some of her hair. When my angel children are bouncing non-stop and taking scissors to their hair, something is wrong with the world. Today, a lot was wrong in Room 109.

My assistant looked at me at one point this afternoon and said I had crossed over and joined them. I had been laughing crazily in a laugh that wasn't recognized as my own. I was all but saying nananana boo-boo to the kids. Come to think of it, I did eat the ham at lunch today....

While the kids were in P.E. today, Markie had to "go away". He left this note:

Short. To the point. Markie is an elf of few words.

The really sad thing is that it took my kids 45 whole minutes to even realize he wasn't in our room anymore. That's how out of control they were. I was doing everything to try to draw their attention to it without coming right out and screaming, "THE ELF IS GONE"!

Once the kids realized Markie was gone, they were overly dramatic about it, of course. It fit with their moods today. Some of them threw themselves on the rug to act like they were fainting and proclaimed, "We're gonna be on the naughty list forever!" and then they fake cried.

I give up.

And guys. I'm already exhausted with the whole elf thing. I already have a "magic mailbox" and a raccoon named Rascal that leaves the kids mail every morning in my classroom. After writing that sentence, that makes me sound crazy. Rascal and my magic mailbox is about as crazy as an elf on a shelf. And we all see where the elf idea has gone. National frenzy. I'm just ahead of my time.

As I was saying, Rascal and his mail combined with moving an elf adds a lot of stress to my morning routine. I haven't been all creative with the elf. I've just been moving him to different locations in the room in the mornings before the kids come in. Today I got real fancy with it and let him hold a marker in his hand because he was sitting in my marker bucket beside my document camera. The kids told me all morning not to even think about touching my markers today because I might accidentally touch Markie and then I would be on THE naughty list. The horror.

You know, the very marker that was in Markie's hands happened to be the marker he wrote his farewell note with. Am I prophetic or what? Spooky. Do you all have chills right now like I do?

Anyway, back to how I'm feeling elf stress. I wonder if there is a real diagnosis for elf stress. I bet it exists. If it doesn't, it's going to. All these poor parents around America just trying to keep up with the All-Star elf parents. It's an elf race. And it's insane. I see all these ideas on Pinterest of how people are very elaborate with their elf. Their elf causes mischief and does elf shenanigans and reindeer games. It's called an Elf on the Shelf. Emphasis on the words *on and *shelf. I thought he was just supposed to move each night and sit. Am I wrong? Marshmallow baths, drinking syrup through a straw, spelling out messages with M&M's, and covering a Christmas tree with toilet paper? I can't keep up with all that mess. Plus I don't want to clean up a mess.
I mean, I get to school at 8. The last possible minute I can arrive. Being creative with my elf would require me getting there early...

Totally random and off topic of elves:
I'm thinking I might need to start a Bachelorette: Blogger edition. I just need a date. I'm in the mood to go on a date. I'm not saying I want to date you guys. I mean, I like you all, just not like that. I just need you to find attractive men for me to date. Here's what we'll do. If you know of any cute bachelors out there, send them my way. Or they can choose to whisk me away to an exotic location. I'm okay with that too. Definitely okay with exotic location dates.

Since I'm at a new school this year, I'm still in the getting-to-know-you phase with a lot of my co-workers. Many days, my non-existent dating life is the topic of the teacher lounge. As it was today. Even the custodian at my school is on the lookout for men I can date. Today he was telling me all about a man he knows that's "loaded and drives a good lookin' BMW". Too bad the guy is 60. He was really trying to set me up with a sugar daddy.

And I have 10 followers for my TPT Store! Say heyyyyyyyy! Thanks for following, friends! I'm planning to create more things once I get this pesky nuisance of a grad class out of the way. I'll be finished on Sunday. Praise Him.
I'm an educator that hates furthering my own education. How's that for irony? That's not completely true. I love being educated on things like new menu items at fast food places, weekly sales ads, celebrity gossip, reality TV. Those are things that matter most. Discussion boards and research papers and article reviews? Please. What's that helping me do? Nothin'.

Let's hope tomorrow has a theme of calm in the air.