I Hate Everything. Except Me.

*So I originally wrote this post at the end of May and just never published it. I felt it was selfish of me to keep these beautiful words in my secret post file, so here you go, lovers. You're welcome.

I've been angry the past couple weeks. *Updated note: I'm not angry anymore. School's out for summer! No stress! Not really angry for any particular reason. Anger is all just part of my school/life stress that I've been feeling. Do you ever have those times in life when you feel angry but don't really have a good reason? Like, really, really angry? One day I just wanted to punch everyone I encountered in the face. Regardless of the fact if they did anything to me or not. I just wanted to punch. Cause harm.

There was another evening that I was out shopping with my friends. I was so angry. Not with them. I had a great time being out with them. I just had anger stress. I just wanted to start doing a crazy tribal scream and charge like a rhino and start knocking all of the nicely folded clothes off of the tables in the stores. Then I wanted to rip the arm off the mannequin and start hitting things with it. I wanted to knock over the tables and push over the clothing racks. In my mind it was the most beautiful and glorious image. Too bad I couldn't make it come to life. I really didn't want to add jail and a mental institution in with my monthly stresses.

Do you all ever get this way? No? Am I just psycho? Yes. Probably so.

In life there are things that are guaranteed to make me angry. In blog land, I see a lot of 'loves'. So many people love this and love that. Love, love, love, love. I know it's positive and uplifting to read posts about things that are lovely. I've done many of these posts myself. I'm sure I'll do many more. Sometimes we just don't feel like love though. Sometimes we feel like poop. Sometimes we feel like hate. That's right. I said it. The 'h' word. Hate. I hate stuff. Things that I hate make me angry. Here's some stuff I hate.

One thing that I hate is the term "making love". It makes me cringe. Not the thought of it, no. Just calling it that. Let's just call it what it is. I don't care if you have a clever or pet name for it. You can call it nookie, doing it, horizontal polka, bumping uglies, a little slap and tickle, sexual intercourse, a roll in the hay, bump and grind...we all know this list could go on and on and on and on. Heck, call it anything, but for the love of all that is holy, not making love. If a guy decided to ask me if I wanted to "make love" I'd just laugh in his face. Then I would form my hand into a tight ball and thrust it into the morons face while saying, "Make love to this, chump." Yep. That's how I'd do it alright.
"Bobby Ray and I just finished making love." See. It just sounds ridiculous. It's not sweet. It doesn't make it more special. It just kinda sounds creepy. You chew on that the next time you and your lover gaze longingly into each others eyes. You think about how 'Lifetime' it sounds to say "you wanna make love?". You wanna make me barf?

I hate 'LOL'. Always have. Always will.

I hate birds and I hate their nests and I hate bird mites that come with them.

I hate standing ovations. Those moments are usually awkward and annoying. Sure. Some people deserve a standing ovation, but some are just not necessary. I really don't even like clapping that much. And then we gotta pair it with standing up and clapping. It's almost too much. *Disclaimer: If all of my blog readers were in an arena (because I have so many readers that it would take an arena to contain you all) and I appeared on stage, it would be perfectly acceptable and probably expected by me that you all greet me with a standing ovation due to my literary masterpieces that have touched your life. That would be a time that I would be okay with a standing ovation. Just wanted to clear that up now. I also wouldn't mind a few posters scattered throughout the audience. Or t-shirts that say "Sarah's Blog Reader 4 Life". Or roses thrown at my feet on the stage. Or a few blasts on an air horn. Yeah. I would be just fine with all of that.

I hate people that are full of themselves. So not me. So not me at all...

I hate whitewall tires. Who ever thought these were a good idea? Just picture your car that you drive. Now picture it with whitewalls. Your car just got so much uglier, didn't it?

I hate it when people don't seem to "know" themselves. Don't be a chameleon. Be you and be true. Just keep it real. And be original. I don't do fake. With me what you see is what you get. I appreciate when people are that way with me too.

I hate breakfast foods. If breakfast is the most important meal of the day, let's make some better breakfast choices. This girl isn't down with cereal. Granola bars just get boring after you've had them for a good 15 years or so. And who really has time to whip up a down home breakfast with all the fixins? Not me. This is why I usually end up eating some type of chocolatey something and wash it down with a Coke.

I hate people that stand too close to me while waiting in line. Back off, space invader. Why is it necessary to stand so close? Are you trying to sniff my hair? I'm sure it smells delightful but get on back.

Seeing people write this crap on facebook: Texttt meh. Love youuuuuuu.
Um, what?

I hate those Laughing Cow commercials.

I hate the feel and smell of hotel towels. So white and crunchy and industrial. Gross.

I hate when people don't use basic manners. Hold the door open for a sister, okay? Say thank you. It's not that hard to practice common courtesy toward others. It goes a long way.

I hate hair when it's not attached to a human head. I don't even like cleaning up my own hair let alone finding a stray hair that belongs to someone else. Disgusting.

I hate being asked a question as soon as I've taken a big bite of food and then you try to hurry and chew it and swallow it down but it seems to take 20 years to do so. *Disclaimer: This only bothers me if I'm out eating with someone that I don't know that well. Like a first date or dinner with an acquaintance and the conversation is awkward and questions are shot out at random/awkward times as soon as you're taking a giant bite of your big greasy burger. If I'm out with my family and close friends I'll just answer and talk whenever. Food in mouth or not. I'm sure a lot of people hate when I do that. Oh well.

I hate seeing people brown nose. I prefer not to have someone else's poop all over my nose. I'm not good at sucking up.

I hate stepping on the floor of a spot that had a coke spilled on it and it wasn't mopped up well. Then you've got sticky all over your shoes and now you've got a squeaky mess on your hands.

I hate when people that you don't know sit right next to you when there are other seats available--like every other seat in the room available. This also goes for going in a dressing room directly beside someone or a bathroom stall. If you're the only two people there spread out a bit.

I hate "I know, right?"

I hate when people say "what's up?" instead of greeting with a typical hey, hi, hello. How do you respond to what's up?

I hate when people don't clear the microwave numbers.

I hate when public bathrooms don't have paper towels. I don't like using hand dryers. I also obviously hate the environment too.

I hate eating with picky eaters.

So do I hate everything? Some would think so. I say that's not true. I hate everything except for yours truly and probably like five other things. You're included in one of those five other things that I don't hate. What do you hate? I would hate it if you told me. *Disclaimer: For those that don't get Sarah's jokes I wouldn't really hate it if you told me. I'd really love it. Comment away, dear children. Comment away.

Also, I sure do have a lot of disclaimers in this post. I hate it.

Oh, and just for fun, here's an extra delicious treat for you to feast your eyes and ears on. Something I don't hate is Kingsley. Maybe you know him and his YouTube works. His videos make me laugh. I've watched just about all of his videos and he has a lot. I'm including his video on "Things I Hate". It just seems appropriate for my post.
*Disclaimer: If you are easily offended you may not want to watch this. He does use language that is appropriate for mature audiences only. If you're not a mature audience or if you just don't like hearing the f word, don't click 'Play'. That was my warning label so you can't get angry with me. My favorite part is when he throws his DVD cases. If you decide this is also your favorite part, we'd probably make pretty good BFFs, you and I. Enjoy.